Will went back to school last night.  Chloe and Clay left early this morning, Coco for Quebec and Clay for San Francisco.  Claire is at preschool.  Here we are, Quinn and I, all alone… he’s got a juicebox, I’ve got a strong guatemala antigua with hot water and milk.

It was a crazy weekend.  I can’t even remember all of why, but entertaining Sunday afternoon was part of it.  It was just a casual glass of wine with one of Clay’s colleagues and his wife, people with whom we had previously enjoyed a social get-together.  But beforehand there was house-cleaning, and special food shopping to do– trying to get things just right without overdoing it.  You know how you spot cobwebs hanging from the ceiling while you’re chatting with your guests?  We didn’t.  But only because we cleaned them off an hour before!  And the food did present well– cheeses, bread, crackers, nuts, olives, grapes.  It seemed to go beautifully.

But here’s the reason I’m writing about this:  the post-entertaining debriefing and doubts.  Do any of you do this?  It’s one of those things that drives me crazy about myself; but I just can’t seem to change it.  Drives Clay crazy, too.  It starts with, “Think it was okay?  Did they have fun?”  Yeah, I think so.  Then, “I wish I hadn’t told that story about [fill in the blank].  Hmmm.  What was my point, anyway?”  And this I do several times over several hours, recalling different comments or stories.  Then, especially here in New England, if the conversation strayed to politics, “Did I stay true to my beliefs without being contentious?  Should I have spoken up to say I really don’t agree with [fill in the blank], or was I right to just stay quiet?”  Then, my own personal demon of social etiquette: the greeting and goodbye.  Kiss on the cheek?  on which cheek?  on both cheeks?  a midwestern hug?  a handshake?  Are we friends or acquaintances, casual or formal?  UGH!

So, reality check of the day: am I the only one who does this?  Is it obsessive insecurity, or normal female hosting behavior?  Will it go away if we get back to doing more entertaining?

Quinn just came and recruited me to be the bug-slayer.  Warmer weather has brought some ants inside.  Mercifully, they are the small ants, not the giant ones that crackle when you squish them…(gross! sorry for that).  That brought me back to the present.  I have to get us ready to pick up Claire and go straight from preschool to her last skating lesson.  Today she will get to skate through an arch and receive her medal!  Should be fun, I hope she doesn’t go all shy on us.

I’m afraid I was a boring coffee companion today– people who talk about their anxieties too much are tiresome, aren’t they?  Oh well, better luck tomorrow!   At least the coffee was delicious.

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